Top Signs You've Gotten A Bad Hotel Room

9> The guy at the front desk stares at your chest and asks if you could "sleep facing the clown painting."

8> They don't take American Express, but will consider stereos, VCR's or jewelry.

7> At check-in, the clerk informs you that all of the "Non-Infested" rooms are taken.

6> "Room service" is nothing more than a can of Spam and a bottle of Ripple in a brown paper bag.

5> "Marv Albert wuz here" chewed into headboard.

4> Room service answers, "This better be good, Jerry Springer's on."

3> A second look at the sign out front reveals you're at "Howard's Johnson."

2> Sign out front says, "WELCOME, NAMBLA CONVENTION" 

and the number 1 Sign You've Gotten a Bad Hotel Room...

1> "Indian Graveyard Inn" even *sounds* like a bad idea.

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